i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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