Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
