The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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