my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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