when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
