Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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