I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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