alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
