I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize