i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
