It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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