I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
