would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize