why didn't you poke me back
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
