True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
they're like a gay fantastic four
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
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