I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
