just come out here and I will go home with you...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dignity is for republicans.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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