just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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