I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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