Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
