His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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