I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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