i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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