I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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