I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
