i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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