god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
