Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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