Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I feel great
I just peed on a car
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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