before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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