I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
smell my finger.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
