somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
