The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
