dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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