I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
