Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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