I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
