just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
And then he peed in my hair
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