before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
