people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
