Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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