apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Randomize