I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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