Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
God gave him joint rollers for hands
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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