she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
