Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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