I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I fill condoms, not promises.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
