I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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