ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
