I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize