3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
