I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
