We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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