i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize