Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
