You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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