I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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