hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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