he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
