I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
ok first of all what the fuck
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize