It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
