fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize