I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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