it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Randomize
