people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
