There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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