Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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