sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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