we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
