people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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