my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
