Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
