i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
