I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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