A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
third nipple confirmed
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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