So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize