so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Sober January is a disaster.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
