He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
