okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
