Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You pole danced in your parka.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
