Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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