and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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