I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
