my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
