I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
