Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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