Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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