tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
