So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
