Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
