Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize