Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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