all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Randomize
