A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
