ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
